fatfree

I’m all about getting rid of dead weight. So it was with holiday-like excitement that I and the spousal unit loaded up the boy and headed to the polls. Amazing how a few dark scribbles can have such an impact on our lives.

We as a country are so hungry for the sweet taste of change that has been too-long coming. Now more than ever, I want to see a positive, thoughtful and compassionate administration in our nation’s capitol. I expect no less from our leadership than I do from my young son, whom I must help become a responsible adult.

Because of that, I voted for Barack Obama.

Halloween is always fun, especially now that we have the little guy. But oh the temptation of candy. I usually end up buying bag upon bag because we devour it before the actual day arrives. I stayed strong this year, at least until Halloween, when I enjoyed far too much of my son’s candy. Now I really need to hit the gym.

It’s not rocket science but changing habits is not an easy task. When you do conquer your vices you’re likely to see results, though. I stopped buying the candy, cookies and ice cream that proved too much of a temptation. Without all that to snack on I lost 3 pounds, despite not getting a lot of strenuous exercise. I have started putting the boy in a pack and walking the dogs more in the morning. The hubby usually walks the canines but that’s another way for me to get in some exercise. I also started guzzling the fluids, mostly water. It’s great for cleansing the body and seemed to help reduce chronic water retention in my right ankle. My next goal is to add swimming to the routine. It’s easy on the joints, exactly what my super-sized self needs right now.

I’d been doing well for a few days but fell off the cookie wagon yesterday AND today. I think Sunday it was just me feeling blue and my emotional eating kicked in. Today it was not taking the time to eat something healthy. Eating junk is so easy but the payoff is difficult. I apparently need to circle the wagons around my eating habits and plan for a long fight. I see all these people here who have been so successful and I wonder if I’ll ever be there. I hope so.

I’ve gone without peanut butter M&Ms for two days. One more day and the habit’s kicked, right? Isn’t three days the time it takes to rid your body of an addictive substance like candy, soda or ice cream.

So far I’ve only thought about these foods, and the fact that they aren’t in our house anymore. I even went grocery shopping AND walked down the same aisle with candy without purchasing any. I’m guessing those “foods” are half my weight gain in the last year. So just by cutting those out of my diet I’ve done have the work.

Keeping busy is another helpful tool for avoiding snacking throughout the day. If I rest while the little guy is napping it usually leads to bad food consumption and then a little nap. Not a good combination at all. Today was pretty busy with errands, a playdate for the boy, a few hours of gardening and then family visits. The unhealthiest thing I ate were probably the granola bar things I rely on when I start getting hungry (snack time).

I and a friend had a girls’ day out today, sans our offspring. She got a haircut while I shopped for shoes. We wandered aimlessly around the mall, a rarity when you usually have two toddlers in tow. We stared in awe at all the new stores that had sprung up without our notice and glared at the endless shop windows draped with faceless mannequins showcasing the latest skinny jeans, sling belts and horizontal striped shirt dresses. What is it about the majority of stores that think if you’re not a size 6, 8, 10 or even 12, you must have horrific taste or be older than dirt? After browsing shops where only the shoes and jewelry would fit, we retreated to the safety of a nearby Lane Bryant.

I went crazy and picked out a denim skirt and a couple tops before we wandered into the intimates section, one that at this particular location is half the store’s square footage (jump with glee). Intimates in my closet are just some bras and panties. Nothing too fancy since they rarely make chest cages in my size that are cute and alluring.

Enter bra lady, you know the one that offers a free fitting. Sure, we were game. I know I hadn’t had a fitting since before my baby boy was a thought (he’s now 1) and since I’m still nursing things were naturally different. However, I was a bit shocked to learn my girls had cruised through the alphabet and settled somewhere between F and G.

Since F was a bit small I had to go with the seventh letter in the English language for proper fit: G, for GOOD GOD! What!? How can that be? I don’t feel that large. I don’t have back pain, strap marks, etc, etc. But there they were, nicely encased in their new, larger home.

My holiday weekend was full of them, and I don’t mean the group. Seattle has an annual music and arts festival that includes delicious foods. Piroshky, Thai, strawberry shortcake. At least I didn’t gain weight. I was again tempted this morning by a container of white, chocolate cookies, but I persevered and managed to shut the lid and put them in the cupboard. I settled instead for a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries. Slow success.

In my house the word “DIET” is a four-letter word to be avoided. How can such a small word cause such trouble? I guess it’s up there with all the other four-letter words that aren’t polite to use in mixed company. Jumble the letters and you get T-I-E-D. As in tied to food, fat … the fridge??

The minute I think of D-I-E-T my head is filled with a five-letter word: C-R-A-V-E. And crave I do. Anything and everything. Once I’m told I can’t eat something I immediately want it. I’ll snack forever until the need is satisfied. Even if the forbidden food is not in the house, I’ll find substitutes. This, unfortunately, means I’ll eat more than if I just had the object of my obsession.

And that obviously brings me to an equally troublesome six-letters: W-E-I-G-H-T.

What a burden to not be blessed with a high metabolism. I watch my husband eat Starbursts and chips while maintaining a sickeningly trim 135 lbs (he’s thin, him and his whole family).

Alas, it’s my battle and I must start chipping away at these bothersome words to build a new, better me; one that conjurs up seven wonderful letters: H-E-A-L-T-H-Y

The boy is down for his afternoon nap. I just finished preparing a stew for dinner and now I’m thinking about what I can snarf down. I know I’m not hungry and that this is just a stress craving. We went for a walk, bought groceries for the stew, and I’d hoped that would help. Is this an addiction like all others? Are the first three days the hardest?

I’m not a religious person but I’m praying to anything holy that I can kick some of my food fondness and drop a multitude of pounds that has plagued me since childhood. A little more than a year since having my son and the scale this morning showed a 2-pound increase over my pre-pregnancy weight. Current poundage is evenly divisable by 2 — not good.

Just before starting this blog I polished off the few remaining cookies in the cabinet. It’s not good to waste food, right? I’m an adult and I don’t have to make myself clean my plate, but I do, even if it’s the second or third helping. Why do they call it a helping when food has done nothing but hinder.

Body image is so much more than just a glance in the mirror. I eat for comfort. I eat when stressed. I eat just to eat. I hate not having a stocked fridge. Maybe that stems from not having alot of food growing up.

I know I can eat healthy. I did it for nine months for fear of developing gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. I come from fat genes and I didn’t want to add to the possible health problems I already risked. But once the little guy was here, my eating habits took a severe dive. I know I’m eating poorer than I ever have. Cookies and peanut butter M&Ms are a regurlar meal for me; something I can grab in between diaper changes and playtime.

It has to stop though. I can’t set this example and I know it’s not good for me.